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A new chapter. Some parts moved me a little. There is also a personal experience.
The scene of the prostitutes' neighbourhood is based in something that happened to me. In Spain, all the vehicles must be inspected by the government; it is called the ITV ("Technical Inspection of Vehicles"). The place where I had to go for passing the inspection is located about 15 miles from my home and the first time I had to go I did not know where it was the buiding. In these years, GPS was not very used and Google Maps did not exist. I arrived to the area and trying to arriving to the building, I got lost. I stopped in a street for looking at its name and I realised that the area was crowded with prostitutes. The area was in the outskirts of the city, but at 12 a.m. I did not expect that big number of prostitutes. Two of them approached running to me and I must admit that I scared a bit. I feared of having my car blocked. Possibly, it was exaggerated. Anyway, I went out the street as quickly as possible.
I felt moved writting this because I tend to fancy my characters. The drunken prostitute is an example of Neivria's possible fate. Both girls started their adventure with similar wishes. Both girls looked forward to see the world, and they loved the sea. And both girls could have finished starving, with the mind and the body wrecked, in an alley close to the same harbour from they thought that, some day, they would board.
Although my characteres are not the same than me and, in fact, I could disagree with them, the opinion about the prostitution that Loztu has is the same opinion that I have. This chapter has several goals: giving some tension to the story, charaterising Govrian society (less egalitarian than Hakol one) and, mainly, characterising to Loztu. Loztu is very interested in sex, although he never touched or kissed a woman. He felt really tempted by these prostitutes, but he is truly emphatic and compassionate. His sadness and compassion towards these women who sell their bodies for food is stronger than his own desires, despite how strong they are. I would react like Loztu in the same situation.
The problem of prostitution is very complex and I do not talk about it more in this comment. The literary goal was treating this topic with a few more relevancy and profoundness than usual in medieval fantasy.
Another comment about things that I can only do in English version. There are two prostitutes whose way of talking is very different in English, and not so much, apparently, in the Spanish version. The twin prostitute talks in a rather educated way. In the Spanish version that is denoted by the use of "yacer" as an euphemism of "make love", that is rather educated. In English I tried to reflect that with expressions like "in exchange of" or "experience" instead of using vulgar expressions.
The drunken prostitute uses contractions like "whatcha" or "gimme" and she does not pronounce some finals (goin', doin'). I tried to depict that her way of talking is very low-class and she pronounces some words with certain difficulties, so she uses the easier to pronounce forms ("gimme" instead of "give me"). I did nothing equivalent in the Spanish version, because is not very usual in Spanish to change the spelling of words in order to reproduce an accent. It could be done, but it is weird for most readers. For instance, I could reproduce one of the hardest to understand Spanish accents writing: "ziempre ma guztao jugá ar furgo" (I always liked to play soccer) instead of the correct spelling: "Siempre me ha gustado jugar al fútbol". But even if a person talks in that way in Spanish, he will always use the correct spelling, and he only will use the incorrect forms in comical situations. However, I see frequently "Gonna", "Gunna", "Gotta", "Wanna" even in lyrics. As the prostitute's story is tragic, it is not good to use something that reminds comical situations.
For depicting an accent in Spanish, the more usual is something like "Ya he llegao" (I have already arrived) instead of "Ya he llegado", but "llegao" should be written in italics or between quotation marks. And these incorrect spelled words are used no more than twice or three times.
La versión en español está aquí: imageshr.deviantart.com/art/Ca…
The scene of the prostitutes' neighbourhood is based in something that happened to me. In Spain, all the vehicles must be inspected by the government; it is called the ITV ("Technical Inspection of Vehicles"). The place where I had to go for passing the inspection is located about 15 miles from my home and the first time I had to go I did not know where it was the buiding. In these years, GPS was not very used and Google Maps did not exist. I arrived to the area and trying to arriving to the building, I got lost. I stopped in a street for looking at its name and I realised that the area was crowded with prostitutes. The area was in the outskirts of the city, but at 12 a.m. I did not expect that big number of prostitutes. Two of them approached running to me and I must admit that I scared a bit. I feared of having my car blocked. Possibly, it was exaggerated. Anyway, I went out the street as quickly as possible.
I felt moved writting this because I tend to fancy my characters. The drunken prostitute is an example of Neivria's possible fate. Both girls started their adventure with similar wishes. Both girls looked forward to see the world, and they loved the sea. And both girls could have finished starving, with the mind and the body wrecked, in an alley close to the same harbour from they thought that, some day, they would board.
Although my characteres are not the same than me and, in fact, I could disagree with them, the opinion about the prostitution that Loztu has is the same opinion that I have. This chapter has several goals: giving some tension to the story, charaterising Govrian society (less egalitarian than Hakol one) and, mainly, characterising to Loztu. Loztu is very interested in sex, although he never touched or kissed a woman. He felt really tempted by these prostitutes, but he is truly emphatic and compassionate. His sadness and compassion towards these women who sell their bodies for food is stronger than his own desires, despite how strong they are. I would react like Loztu in the same situation.
The problem of prostitution is very complex and I do not talk about it more in this comment. The literary goal was treating this topic with a few more relevancy and profoundness than usual in medieval fantasy.
Another comment about things that I can only do in English version. There are two prostitutes whose way of talking is very different in English, and not so much, apparently, in the Spanish version. The twin prostitute talks in a rather educated way. In the Spanish version that is denoted by the use of "yacer" as an euphemism of "make love", that is rather educated. In English I tried to reflect that with expressions like "in exchange of" or "experience" instead of using vulgar expressions.
The drunken prostitute uses contractions like "whatcha" or "gimme" and she does not pronounce some finals (goin', doin'). I tried to depict that her way of talking is very low-class and she pronounces some words with certain difficulties, so she uses the easier to pronounce forms ("gimme" instead of "give me"). I did nothing equivalent in the Spanish version, because is not very usual in Spanish to change the spelling of words in order to reproduce an accent. It could be done, but it is weird for most readers. For instance, I could reproduce one of the hardest to understand Spanish accents writing: "ziempre ma guztao jugá ar furgo" (I always liked to play soccer) instead of the correct spelling: "Siempre me ha gustado jugar al fútbol". But even if a person talks in that way in Spanish, he will always use the correct spelling, and he only will use the incorrect forms in comical situations. However, I see frequently "Gonna", "Gunna", "Gotta", "Wanna" even in lyrics. As the prostitute's story is tragic, it is not good to use something that reminds comical situations.
For depicting an accent in Spanish, the more usual is something like "Ya he llegao" (I have already arrived) instead of "Ya he llegado", but "llegao" should be written in italics or between quotation marks. And these incorrect spelled words are used no more than twice or three times.
La versión en español está aquí: imageshr.deviantart.com/art/Ca…
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Okay, after a week since reading this I finally have a moment to comment on it.
I enjoyed this chapter in seeing a bit more of Loztu's culture shock continued. First in the instance where he discovers that the gold/silversmiths he wishes to barter his handicrafts to are all clustered into specific areas rather than just being located anywhere around the town. This definitely evokes the feel of medieval Europe in terms of merchantry- when I was in the historic old town area of Brasov earlier this summer, likewise all the trading guilds had their own area that they operated in the town.
Another thing we see continued thematically here is sme of the discrimination and suspicion some people meet Loztu with because he is both an outsider to the town of Albe and not of Govrian heritage. One part that particularly jumped out at me as an American was the part where one passer-by snapped at him to not "dirty the water" when he drinks at a public fountain- to me that evoked the time in USA history of Jim Crow and racial segregation when blacks were not even allowed to share the same public water fountains as whites and if they did and were found out or simply suspected of crossing such boundaries faced everything from harassment to violence. I don't know if that was on your mind at all when writing that mini-scene, but it was something I noticed.
Another large and important part of this as you mention in your comments, is Loztu's confrontation with the prostitutes along the street when he becomes lost, and his understandably shocked and discomforted response in the face of something he's never had much to any experience with. He certainly shows a lot of pity in recognizing even through the fog of temptation the unsettling reality of their situation- most if not all of these women are there and selling themselves not for personal pleasure but because they are in poverty, exploited and down on their luck, and in a few cases being abused (the woman who Loztu ultimately "hires" to help guide him out of the district and warns him to pretend to be her client or she'll be beaten is a particularly telling sign that there is somebody who is making taking their cut of profit off of these women while trafficking/sending them out to offer themselves so). It helps reveal his morality and, despite his naivete, sense that he sees this uncomfortable truth in this situation and that while another man might respond with contempt and scorn, he shows restraint and compassion in recoginizing that they are people. I'm almost reminded a bit of Les Miserables of the tragedy of the character of Fantine who also is plunged by desperation and poverty into a similar situation. The one girl is certainly an ominous signal of what could happen to Neivria if she's not careful.
Overall, this is a strong well written chapter both in terms of world building, especially in dealing with a complex issue of portrayal like prostituton, and character development. Looking forward to more.
I enjoyed this chapter in seeing a bit more of Loztu's culture shock continued. First in the instance where he discovers that the gold/silversmiths he wishes to barter his handicrafts to are all clustered into specific areas rather than just being located anywhere around the town. This definitely evokes the feel of medieval Europe in terms of merchantry- when I was in the historic old town area of Brasov earlier this summer, likewise all the trading guilds had their own area that they operated in the town.
Another thing we see continued thematically here is sme of the discrimination and suspicion some people meet Loztu with because he is both an outsider to the town of Albe and not of Govrian heritage. One part that particularly jumped out at me as an American was the part where one passer-by snapped at him to not "dirty the water" when he drinks at a public fountain- to me that evoked the time in USA history of Jim Crow and racial segregation when blacks were not even allowed to share the same public water fountains as whites and if they did and were found out or simply suspected of crossing such boundaries faced everything from harassment to violence. I don't know if that was on your mind at all when writing that mini-scene, but it was something I noticed.
Another large and important part of this as you mention in your comments, is Loztu's confrontation with the prostitutes along the street when he becomes lost, and his understandably shocked and discomforted response in the face of something he's never had much to any experience with. He certainly shows a lot of pity in recognizing even through the fog of temptation the unsettling reality of their situation- most if not all of these women are there and selling themselves not for personal pleasure but because they are in poverty, exploited and down on their luck, and in a few cases being abused (the woman who Loztu ultimately "hires" to help guide him out of the district and warns him to pretend to be her client or she'll be beaten is a particularly telling sign that there is somebody who is making taking their cut of profit off of these women while trafficking/sending them out to offer themselves so). It helps reveal his morality and, despite his naivete, sense that he sees this uncomfortable truth in this situation and that while another man might respond with contempt and scorn, he shows restraint and compassion in recoginizing that they are people. I'm almost reminded a bit of Les Miserables of the tragedy of the character of Fantine who also is plunged by desperation and poverty into a similar situation. The one girl is certainly an ominous signal of what could happen to Neivria if she's not careful.
Overall, this is a strong well written chapter both in terms of world building, especially in dealing with a complex issue of portrayal like prostituton, and character development. Looking forward to more.